To be honest, I've been stressed lately with problems which had me more angry in general, which I never wanted to be. This relationship means so much to me it's just I've been having doubts about myself. I never know if I'm good enough for you or not and it honestly sucks. I get mad easily and can never see straight during it. I'm hoping with new hobbies, this website as a reminder to myself, more self love, and hopefully you again, I can control myself, and not even get mad in the first place.
I know I fucked up many times, even after I improved. Leaving you when you needed me most because of jealousy, letting my anger build up and take it out on the woman I love most, getting overstimulated by crowds or lots of things going on at once and snapping, it all was never meant.. and I am so sorry you had to go through all that. I've never been able to see clearly while that was happening and I have to work on my anger. I understand and acknowledge your feelings, it sounds rough being in your spot right now.
For improving and evolving, I'm actually really hopeful about what I can work on and improve in the future. I am already learning so many new things about relationships on YouTube and reading articles or threads. Your words also gave me hope, knowing that there's a chance I could prove myself to you again when all is said and done. I'm even more glad that you're improving yourself too.
With all that being said, you do have a special place in my heart which I don't think anyone else can take and I don't want to pull the plug on this long relationship. You've been by my side since I was 13, pretty much all my teen years. Remembering the first months of us is really nice yet also saddening at the same time. If there's one wish I did have, it would be to go back and save myself from breaking what we had. Every time I see you in person with your cute wide smile, I can't help but smiling myself. Whenever our eyes meet we both can't help but look away or we will blush. I think that's a love that's worth fighting for until the end, and I hope you feel the same way.
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